Rebirth...again!

I went to my last (this time around) "TruSelf" seminar over in Hope on Saturday and once again, I realize that we are never "done". Life on this planet in this form is a constant shedding of layers, shedding of illusion as we get closer and closer to remembering who we really are. Once we say "I already know that" ....SHAZAM here comes another lesson so we can remember and re-learn it in a deeper way. The first big truth I ever actually "got" was "KEEP THE FOCUS ON YOUR SELF" and it is turning out to be the ONLY truth I really need to remember. Everything comes to that. Whenever we are feeling sad, mad, shameful, hurt, confused, all we need to do is look within and drop the story. We are not our story. I re-learned this on Saturday, a story that I didn't think I had the RIGHT to drop. A story that I just thought was "my burden to bear" in this life....part of me. And guess what? It's not me. It is not who I am, it is not necessary to hold on to shame. It is not our responsibility. Our responsibility is love. That's it. All the other crap is illusion. Jeez, what's next? What a trip!! ....a smart friend tells me that I need to put keywords to my website on all my blog entries because THAT is what Google picks up on so here goes...... personalized stone jewelry! engraved stones! river stones! key rings! labyrinth meditation stones! personalized stone signs! Ahh what a riot! Peace to all who read this today!

Rebirth

I took these photos yesterday after I planted about 12 iris around our pond. The pond is way down. Everything was wet and gray and decaying. Almost all the leaves are down and the Tamarack are almost done with their yellow show. I am in a lull business-wise...and in every other way, really. I had a great few days creating fun art items (I'll post them next) for Northwest Handmade www.northwesthandmade.com
and that is where I am happiest. Here in my sanctuary in the woods. Creating fun things in my art room. Making tea or coffee and getting on line when the paint is drying (FACEBOOK!!). Walking around our beautiful property and seeing all the animals and loving them deeply. Loving myself deeply. Then....an acquaintance on St. John drops dead of a heart attack. Bills loom over my head. No orders on my website. I throw my attention away from my wonderful core of peace and detachment, and SHAZAM! I am thinking of the future or the past and letting fear creep in. I am not in the present, I am not in my true self, I am in illusion. But sometimes it feels so real. All the tools I have learned in the past few years to let go of illusion and be "in this world but not of it" seem to be just out of reach, in the fog. Yesterday I also made a new compost bin. As I dumped our organic waste into it today, I remembered how that in the spring, all this dead stuff will be beautiful soil. With worms! And I will put it on my garden and stuff will grow in it! And as I look at these photos, and think of Dan on St. John. I remember that we all die. It is no different from birth. It's a cycle. Our bodies die and we feed the soil and then we turn into something else. The energy of our life force is only visiting this body. The leaves all decay and create new soil for more trees to grow in. Bills won't kill my spirit. Fear won't kill my spirit. My spirit waits forever for me to remember who I am, and over and over again, it says "YAY!! You're back!" I'm back. Thank you, Autumn. Thank you, Fall. Thank you, Dan.

KAIROS

Kairos. It has taken me a week to blog about it because there is so much that can't be explained in the written word. A 28 acre bubble of love and safety in the hills north of Spokane, Washington. Nothing but ponderosas and huge boulders. Run by Catholic nuns, Sisters Florence and Rita, who are true love personified. Dedicated to assisting in the re-discovery of inner peace, inner knowledge, no matter what the religion. (or lack of one, in my and many cases) We each get a tiny hermitage. Mine, Francis, is the most remote of all of them, however I am still close enough to the main house to feel safe and comfortable. Our retreats are in total silence, with fabulous vegetarian meals served twice daily. Breakfast is on our own, which is so perfect. Snuggle in the hut with hot tea and fruit, or take it out onto one of the endless boulders-with-a-view! For so many years on St. John I had heard about silent retreats and been intimidated by them, even though in my deepest knowing place, I knew I would do them someday. For my first one, exactly one year ago, I woke up the first morning of silence and thought I was supposed to "do" something. I wrote in my journal wondering if I was "doing it" right...and then just got a feeling of all over joy and realized it is simply about being. Not doing. Doing is about obligation. Being is about our original purpose that we have forgotten. Joy. Love. Simplicity. That's it. Since then, and on this third silent retreat, I flow into it with no expectations and no doubt. We enter and then come out of silence with a non-religious ritual, which is walking a labyrinth (see my website) and Eloiwa's www.heart-sounds.com beautiful music with her harp and crystal singing bowls (among many other instruments). During the silence I just walk, sing (yup, I let myself do whatever I want!!), talk to bugs, just be. The silent meals as a group have turned out to be the most life-altering thing for me. It is hard to imagine it before you do it, but it is TOTAL LIBERATION and a re-focusing on self. Especially for a rather co-dependent, people pleaser like myself. :) I am ready for a little longer period of silence. For the next one I might go there by myself a few days early. Here are some photos from Kairos. There will always be room if any of my out of town friends want to come to one!