Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Choppy Waters Run Deep, too!

And I thought I was riled up in the LAST entry?!?! I started to read Soul Without Shame by Byron Brown. I knew it was for me when a friend mentioned the title and I got goosebumps from toe to head. Well, to say the least, it is potent. The cover needs a warning label! :) I started to read it too fast and the last few weeks were an inferno of my old ego crap rising up and trying to fight for dear life. The book is about the inner judge, inner critic, that we start creating internally as a baby in order to survive on the planet and in our family dynamic. Then we hold onto it into adulthood even though it is obsolete. The minute I started to read this, I saw so clearly this insanity inside me. This voice that "keeps me safe" and tells me exactly what to do and not to, what to think and not to, what to learn and not to. And it is no longer doing me any good, to say the least. I went into sensory overload, however, and started to lose it a bit. Thank heavens for the Dude, and open hearted friends!! This judge felt so powerful! And all of a sudden I am FINALLY realizing, that IT is not powerful...it is MY CHOICE to give it power or not. WELL!! SHAZAM again! Then luckily Carole my dear friend sent me the book Path of Empowerment by Barbara Marciniak, just at the right time!! And I could read that and it is like a warm hug, a reward for my work, an oasis of beauty and wisdom. So, as of last night, I am only reading ONE chapter of Soul Without Shame per week. Last night was the night, and yes, stuff is triggered, but it is no longer a giant fire breathing dragon. It is now a little lizard and when it rears its silly little head I can see it for what it is. There is a TruSelf Seminar this weekend and I feel like I am a whole new human compared to the last time I went. I am so grateful for this path, so grateful for my mom croaking and putting me on it. And SOOOOO grateful for my own perseverance in finding out where the real power comes from. WITHIN. And so it is.

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