Choppy Waters Run Deep, too!

And I thought I was riled up in the LAST entry?!?! I started to read Soul Without Shame by Byron Brown. I knew it was for me when a friend mentioned the title and I got goosebumps from toe to head. Well, to say the least, it is potent. The cover needs a warning label! :) I started to read it too fast and the last few weeks were an inferno of my old ego crap rising up and trying to fight for dear life. The book is about the inner judge, inner critic, that we start creating internally as a baby in order to survive on the planet and in our family dynamic. Then we hold onto it into adulthood even though it is obsolete. The minute I started to read this, I saw so clearly this insanity inside me. This voice that "keeps me safe" and tells me exactly what to do and not to, what to think and not to, what to learn and not to. And it is no longer doing me any good, to say the least. I went into sensory overload, however, and started to lose it a bit. Thank heavens for the Dude, and open hearted friends!! This judge felt so powerful! And all of a sudden I am FINALLY realizing, that IT is not powerful...it is MY CHOICE to give it power or not. WELL!! SHAZAM again! Then luckily Carole my dear friend sent me the book Path of Empowerment by Barbara Marciniak, just at the right time!! And I could read that and it is like a warm hug, a reward for my work, an oasis of beauty and wisdom. So, as of last night, I am only reading ONE chapter of Soul Without Shame per week. Last night was the night, and yes, stuff is triggered, but it is no longer a giant fire breathing dragon. It is now a little lizard and when it rears its silly little head I can see it for what it is. There is a TruSelf Seminar this weekend and I feel like I am a whole new human compared to the last time I went. I am so grateful for this path, so grateful for my mom croaking and putting me on it. And SOOOOO grateful for my own perseverance in finding out where the real power comes from. WITHIN. And so it is.

Think Yourself Free

This photo taken yesterday certainly reflects the mood I am creating for myself today. I am creating feelings of doubt, darkness, fear. I say "creating" thanks to my first mentor, Bonny. (I mean my first one after my mother) She studied with Ken Keyes and when I worked with her at 23-30 years old she gave these teachings to me and to anyone else who would listen. The venue was the wonderful Luscious Licks vegetarian restaurant on St. John. The general idea is the profound truth that we create our lives through thought. People don't do things TO us. Things don't happen TO us. People don't "make us feel" a certain way. We CHOOSE to react or to think in a certain way. The same situation can be different to each human depending on how they THINK about it. Ken Keyes' book, The Handbook to Higher Consciousness, is one I carry with me everywhere and read over and over again...and each time I learn something new. Another major truth from it is to KEEP THE FOCUS ON YOUR SELF. Any time we feel misery, we can stop, look within, and see that we have thrown our energy out of our center and are projecting outward into the illusion of separation. There is no such thing as loneliness if we are at home in our true self and live from that perspective. Well....I was going to talk about my mood but by just reflecting on this I already feel better! Ha! Bonny sounded like a broken record to me quite often: "Keep the focus on your Self" "Keep the focus on your Self" "Keep the focus on your Self"!!! But here I am 17 years later and it is finally sinking in and now I am a broken record to whoever will listen! (do they even know what a "broken record" sounds like?!?!) Bonny came into my life right after my mom died. In some way I am grateful that my mother checked out that early in my life because it catapulted me into the big questions of existence and a quest for awakening rather early in life. So actually, this photo doesn't "reflect my mood", this photo is me. This photo is whatever I think it is. This photo is deeeeeeeevine!

Solar Holiday!

I got solar powered holiday lights and I am so thrilled with them! There is a spot on our property that people can see down in the valley as they drive along the road. I tried one year with another type and somebody...a furry somebody...must have gotten caught up in the wires and chewed them to pieces! So that only lasted a few days. I hope these last longer! I'm not a religious celebrator of Christmas, but the lights are so beautiful.